Mommy rage is real, this is my story. I had tried for many years to control my anger on my own but nothing ever really worked. So, eventually I had to come to the point that I understood that God is stronger than my anger. I had to step aside and let God be God. I had to realize that the problem was with in my own heart and it wasn’t anything my children or my husband were doing, it was a problem in my own heart. If I thought it through, I realize that my kids are just little ones and one of their biggest goals is to delight their parents, they aren’t intentionally doing things to flip the mommy rage switch. There are absolutely practical ways to help, like the book “Triggers” and we’ll get to those…
But first, the back story.
(how the rage started)
As a child, I was abused; in many ways by many people. As a teen and also as an adult; more assaults and more abuse. The abuse and hurt I have lived through left a festering wound in my heart. At some point in my life I became a very angry person. Angry at my dad for not protecting me, angry at my abusers. Angry at God for allowing the years of abuse. Just so angry.
As an adult I tried many different therapies. I have spent several weeks in different behavioral centers only to be sent home with just a new prescription and being “stable”. Nothing ever seemed to fix the problem. This only made me even more angry. I couldn’t forget the assaults and the lies. I had to shut my heart off just to get through the day. But the anger remained. I felt nothing anymore, except rage.
Everything irritated me. The husband that God gave me to help me. The children I am blessed with, just babies; even their crying would set me off and make me want to run out the door. I saw everyone and everything as the enemy. I tried to suppress my anger with substances and other things. But still none of this worked.
Mommy Rage ALMOST knocked me out.
Eventually things got really bad; I had become the abuser. My heart was broken. I had a choice to change my life or accept the divorce that was looming. So I decided to enter a treatment program. Even though I was angry, I knew that if I didn’t try everything to save my family I would never be able to forgive myself. So I packed my bags.
But God… faithful and loving; never left me. He kept pursuing me and reaching a hand down. He called me, he spoke to me; through His Word and His people He spoke to me. “Cry out to me in your distress and I will answer you!” So that’s what I did. I prayed, I read his word, I rested, I cried, I may have even yelled a little. And God answered me.
In Romans 12:19 He says, “Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back.” says the Lord”
After reading this verse I realized that the Lord was saying. “Hey! Give it to me! Surrender your anger. My anger is righteous, just, and perfect and everything your anger could never be.” He WILL take revenge for His children. I don’t have to. He IS righteously angry for his children, I no longer have to hold on to that. All I have to do trust him and obey. I just have to believe that Jesus died for me on the cross and all of the hurt and all of the sin is already covered.
It’s hard but it also actually simple.
He is faithful to answer our prayers. I surrendered my anger and the Lord answered me with calm and rest. But that’s not all, I also learned a few daily habits that heal my heart and help me to keep myself focused. I still feel angry more than I would like to admit, but now instead of yelling I try to do these few things first.
This is so huge. The Lord is faithful to His children when we seek to honor Him.
Honestly, I pray this prayer a lot.
“Heavenly Father, I can’t carry this anymore. I don’t want to and I am wholly incapable of healing this on my own. Please help me. I am asking you to take this anger and give me calm in my spirit instead. Lord, give me grace and love and patience for those closest to me. Amen.”
This is probably one of the biggest things I can do. Just walk away. Simply saying “I need a timeout, can we come back to this in about an hour.” and giving yourself the space to calm down, walk away and come back to the situation helps mommy rage so much.
Play Worship Music.
Worship music is a huge catalyst to getting my heart back into position before the Lord. It doesn’t take much work. Try this Spotify playlist I created. It might help a bit.
Read my Bible.
The Lord is so faithful when we turn to His Word. He wants us to know Him deeply and His Word NEVER returns void, friend. Here is a collection of scriptures “for depression” but I think they apply for mommy rage as well.
Text a friend.
When that mommy rage starts to creep in and threatens to throw off the whole day. Send a quick text to a trusted Christian friend; “Hey friend! I am struggling today. Please pray with me.”
Breathe and say “okay”
It’s always a good idea to take a deep breathe and say “Okay. Lord, I trust you in this situation.” Accept the situation for what it is and Trust God with the rest.
I hope these things are helpful to you. All I know is I’ve lived life a really long time just being angry and yelling at my little ones and I don’t want to be that person. No matter what I tried; books, therapies, essential oils, you name it; it wasn’t until I surrendered it to God that I finally started to feel more calm in my life.
I’m praying the same for all of you. friends.